I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
