I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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