thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
