ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
