i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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