Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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