it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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