well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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