Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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