I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
