so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
