you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
