I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
