drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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