Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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