On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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