I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
