If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
birth control should be required to get into college
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
