...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
