Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
