Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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