I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
