you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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