I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
