I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
