we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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