The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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