I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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