i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dicks are not precious.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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