So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
