Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
