Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I want her autograph on my taint
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Randomize
