You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
