Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
