i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
