Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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