i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Watching her eat just hurts me
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
