Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
