i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
