Rock
Scissors
Fuck
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Your penis caused this!
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