i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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