College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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