All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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