Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
