We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
