alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Terrible idea I love it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
