good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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