I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
