Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
