I feel like abortions should bother me more
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He did a backflip because drugs
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
