I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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