he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
