Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
