I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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